Talking Scientology and taking the truth VIRAL.

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Well it has been a while since I have posted here. There has been A LOT going on personally with me and behind the scenes of getting the word out there about Scientology.

Recently and article that I had been working to get out since last October was released. The Daily Mail did an EXTRAORDINARILY wonderful piece about me. Which you can read here:

That story went VIRAL being picked up by countless news outlets online. From that article I was asked on several radio shows and even interviews for THE MORNING SHOW in Australia.

And now this morning Tony Ortega and his amazing Blog THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER have featured my interview with Allison Weiner on her show Media Mayhem.

#Scientology Homophobia

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Today the great reporter Tony Ortega debuted my new video on his site The Underground Bunker. It is beyond an honor to be on his site so thank you Tony for that.

As you may have read earlier in my blog, I got sent to the RPF for being gay while I worked for Scientology. If not you can read that post here.

This video was  rough for me to say the least. This is a more than a peek behind the curtains into my mind. I have ripped the curtains off and revealed myself. This is still a very tender subject for me. It has been 13 years now since I left, Next month. That is a long time but I am still healing. This video is a part of that process. Thank you for watching.

SEXY #Scientology Part’s 1 and 2 And WHY Laura Prepon needs to Leave Scientology

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Hey kids!!! Let’s talk about Sex . . . or the lack there of as presented to you by the Church of Scientology. In these two videos I am breaking down the insanity of Scientology’s OBSESSION with sex and what L Ron Hubbard REALLY thought about it.

Part 2 is Featured on THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER today along with two other videos from my good friends Chris Shelton and Aaron Smith-Levin. Check us ALL out!

Tom Cruise Saint or Sinner?

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Today an EXCELLENT article about Tom Cruise came out on one of my favorite blogs The Mary Sue about Tom entitled,

“Why Do We Keep Letting Tom Cruise Off The Hook?”

Here is my response.

Thank you for this wonderful Article Carolyn! As a person who grew up in and worked for the Cult of Scientology it is refreshing to see an outsider, a never in if you will, ask this question. When I worked for the Celebrity Centre in Hollywood I can tell you the three important people in Scientology were, L Ron Hubbard the founder, David Miscavige current leader and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is WORSHIPED in Scientology. Every time he got a new hairstyle EVERY male member of the church would try to copy that. If he was wearing blue button down shirts, THEY wore blue button down shirts. It is sick.

Obviously his body of work as an actor is huge and growing up I was PROUD to watch his movies. As a worker in the church I was happy to see them as well. But as I left the church I found a guilt wracked me as I watched them. Does MI5 look AMAZING???? Yes. Do I want to go see it? Yes. Will I? Well I haven’t yet. He already got paid. I am sure he is probably getting some of the back end. I LOVE the rest of the cast and I want them to be successful, and the crew that worked on the film deserves money for their hard work as well.

But I know what he does with his money. He gives it to Scientology and their HUNDREDS of front groups. That money funds, child slavery, forced abortions, kidnapping, Pedophilia, and death. I witnessed these crimes first hand and experienced many of them as they were perpetrated on me. Tom Cruise IS AWARE of what the church is doing. HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING PART IN THE ABUSE OF AMERICAN CITIZENS. That is a fact.

But hey, he hung off a plane 8 times to do a 2 minute stunt for a movie so that makes everything better right?

Why #BlackLivesMatter to this White Lady

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Who am I? I am a white (that is up for some debate since we found out my great grandmother on my mothers fathers side was Native American thanks to genetic testing, but we will just go with the identity I have known up till last year) woman, age 39, born in America, who actually cares about Black people. Yes I do.

Why is that you ask? Is it because of my super liberal, California upbringing? Well yes and no. Yes my mother is a flaming liberal. Like so flaming she is hot enough to be her own welding torch.  My father, not so much. He was raised in central California in sleepy Lodi. He used every racist  derogatory word. And he meant them. Sure he would make a “joke” and laugh it off like he was being funny. And he was funny a LOT. Just NEVER about these things. Once my sister and I went to visit him in Southern California when I was 12 after he and my mother had divorced. On our ride from the Airport to his apartment he was in a particularly racist mood and was doing a running commentary on every non-white person that he could see from the car. Finally I couldn’t take it. I told him in no uncertain terms that if his disgusting racist rant didn’t end he could take me and my sister directly back to the Airport and we would catch the next flight back home. He looked at me through the rear view mirror, laughing and then our eyes met. He saw that I was dead serious. He stopped.

Why did I feel so furiously about that? It could come from a lot of places really. I am a bit of an odd duck. I have always felt out of place in my body. I have felt like I belonged to another time and space. But I managed to always make friends and make people laugh. I moved a lot. I was always the new kid. I was always having to reinvent myself every few years. Just before my parents divorced in 1984 we were living in San Francisco. We lived in the Marina on Chestnut street. Back then the City was divided very fiercely into sections of ethnicity. The Marina, was mostly Asian, while the Mission district was Latino, the Fillmore was where the Black neighborhood was. So in the morning in school, my sister and I were in the minority. We were white, 90% of the classmates I had were Asian, mostly Chinese with a few kids from other backgrounds. Then after school the bus would take us to the Buchanan Street YMCA, which was in the Fillmore District. Right on the border, looking across the street you saw Japan Town. So in the afternoon we were the minority as well. Everyone was Black at the YMCA. Except me, my sister and one counselor Nick.

So all of my friends were either Chinese or Black. I thought, as an 8 year old growing up in San Francisco, this was totally normal. So normal in fact that I decided that I was in fact black. My friends from the YMCA seemed to agree. Ryante, Dante, the twin counselors Patricia and Phillip all my friends there. It was a consensus. So much so that I asked my mom to let me get a Jerry Curl in my hair. She exhaustively told me that my hair wouldn’t do that because I wasn’t Black. I was still unconvinced. I was going to do everything in my power to become what I knew I was on the inside. A fierce Black woman. I started studying Black history. I became ENRAGED with what I found out. Back in the days before google and the internet kids you had to scour bookshelves in the library, and go through microfiche, and watch old news reels. And that is what I did. On my own I learned about the civil rights movement that had happened a mere decade before my birth. I saw that things weren’t all that different. Black people weren’t free and were still struggling. I was determined to make it right. When Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday came around the YMCA had a speech contest. We were all to write a speech and deliver it and the winner was going to speak at an awards ceremony.

I worked for a WEEK (which to an 8 year old is an ETERNITY) on my speech. I wrote it, rewrote it and worried about it nightly. We were all going into the office one by one to give our speeches to the leaders of the Y. Finally it was my turn. When I looked up from my paper, tears were in the eyes of everyone in the room. I was shaking. I knew I was going to get to speak. I remember the night very well, even 31 years later. Lots of awards had been given out. I was the keynote speaker essentially. Everyone’s parents were there. I hadn’t met them before. My name was announced. As I walked to the stage, muttering from the crowd started. Fingers pointed. Scowling faces. I heard someone say, “Who does this white girl think she is talking about Dr. King?” I got very nervous. I thought maybe I was the wrong choice. In that moment I knew I was not black. That I would never be black.

I looked out into the crowd of angry faces. I saw my mother, beaming from ear to ear and my counselor Phillip smiling a huge smile, urging me to start my speech. Phillip had been dealing with all the other kids who had complained that a white girl was talking instead of them. He assured them it had nothing to do with me being white. It was that I had written a better speech. He warned me that at first people would be upset that I had been chosen to speak but not to worry; once they heard my words they would understand.

As I walked onto the stage, looking out at the crowd, I was pretty sure that Phillip had lied to me. People were NOT happy. I took a deep breath and I started talking, I tried my best to look out into the crowd. I decided I was just going to talk to the whole room. I went for it. I gave this speech every ounce of passion that I had. At the end I had tears as did the entire audience. People were clapping and crying and everyone hugged me after. That night I crossed the color barrier. I did get it. I think in that moment for the adults present who had lived through the civil rights movement and those who knew life before that was even a dream, saw a glimpse of the future in me. A future that existed without boundaries or limitations. One where equality would ring true with every citizen no matter how young or old they are. A future where the color of our skin was not a label that determined our destiny.

Which brings me to today. My thoughts about race haven’t changed since that night, but clearly neither that dream I had 31 years ago or the one that Martin Luther King Jr. had has come true. I wish that it had. It would be so much easier. Wouldn’t it? I mean if the color, the pigment, of our skin meant NOTHING to each other? Wouldn’t that be a wonderful place? Yes, I think it would. Instead we live in the powder keg of tension that we like to call the “United” States of America. Honestly I don’t know what we are UNITED about anymore. Anyone? Is there anything that we as Americans can actually agree on?

I have two sons. They are also white. But there is a glimmer of hope for their generations I think. I see their classes at school. Filled with kids from all different backgrounds. They look at each other like humans. That’s it. The end. Nothing else. They play with each other regardless of what they look like or what they are wearing. It makes my heart smile. I hope that never changes for them. Looking at other people as PEOPLE who are equal to them in all ways. I am teaching my kids about white privilege and that it is, in no uncertain terms, fucking bullshit. It means nothing and they will gain nothing from life utilizing it. They are to be part of the solution not part of the epically horrific problem. I think they get it. They seem to.

I want to march in the streets as much as my 8 year old self did. I see what is happening and I feel that same rage I did as an 8 year old learning about Selma. But is my voice helpful or hurtful? That is the question I face today. When I was 8 I knew everything and I knew what I thought mattered. Nothing I could think of was impossible. Now 31 years later, I wonder what happened to that powerhouse of a girl. She would have never questioned herself. She would have gotten up on a chair and shouted BLACK LIVES MATTER over and over until a crowd had formed around her and she was leading them down the block chanting. Black lives matter because Black people are PEOPLE. They are humans. They are Americans.

Dear Humans of America it is time to get up on the nearest chair and just shout it out. BLACK LIVES MATTER. Period. All voices in unison saying this loud and clear, BLACK LIVES MATTER.

Canada here I come!!!!!!! (Just for a week.)

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It is official. I am going to Canada! I have never been there at all and my first trip is going to be to Toronto to speak about Growing Up in Scientology for a conference being held at the Tynedale University. I am so very excited. And nervous. Nervously Excited? That’s a thing right? I love speaking to people and I have spoken to large audiences before but it has been a while. So time to shake off the rust and get ready!

The event is happening June 22-26 and is open for anyone to attend. Prices are reasonable and I PROMISE it won’t be boring!

Check out the details and full line up of speakers here:

We will cover all aspects of the cult with the help of some of the leading experts — former members, academics and investigative journalists. It will be the first time that the global influence of the cult has been properly scrutinised. Sessions will consist of presentations by the various participants, interviews with luminaries, videos, question and answer sessions and panel discussions. We will bring together activists from around the globe.

The following stars of the counter-Scientology firmament have already confirmed that they will be available in person, by Skype or on video:

Paulette Cooper, author of The Scandal of Scientology and target of the infamous Operation Freakout.

Steven Hassan, the best known cult expert in the world, author of three books, including the best-selling Combating Cult Mind Control.

Tony Ortega, proprietor of the Underground Bunker, to speak about his remarkable new book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely.

Russell Miller, eminent biographer of L. Ron Hubbard and author of Bare-Faced Messiah.

Jesse Prince, former senior Sea Org member and David Miscavige’s auditor, with revelations from his forthcoming book.

Hana Whitfield, founding member of the Sea Org, captain of the Mission Into Time and former leading exit counsellor.

Ursula Caberta, former Hamburg Minister and driving force behind German legislation concerning Scientology.

Nancy Many, author of My Billion Year Contract, and subject of an episode of Dangerous Persuasions (which will be shown at the seminar).

Andreas Heldal-Lund, creator of, a/k/a Operation Clambake.

Arnaud Pallison, criminologist, author and advisor to the French courts.

Tory Christman, former OSA agent (and brilliant speaker).

Professor Alexander Dvorkin, for 21 years head of a counter-cult group in eastern Europe, and the main target for Scientology harassment in Russia.

Karin Spaink, journalist and long term Scientology critic, who won a long legal battle against the cult’s attempt to take down her website.

David Pike, head of FACTNet.

Lawrence Wollersheim, who was paid a nine million dollar judgement by Scientology.

Chuck Beatty, former Sea Org member, privy to Hubbard ‘advices.’

David Barrett, PhD, sociologist and author of several books about ‘new religious movements.’

John Duignan, author of The Complex.

Jonny Jacobsen, journalist, who has reported on Scientology for over two decades. Host of Infinite Complacency.

Chris Shelton, former member and advocate of critical thinking.

Nora Crest, second generation member and Celebrity Center staffer. (That’s ME!!!!)

Pete Griffiths, leading activist from Ireland and organizer of Flag Down.

Marta Gorna, Polish activist.

Professor Martin Poulter, expert on belief systems.

Steve Cannane, ABC TV presenter, author of a forthcoming history of Scientology in Australia.

The entire conference will be professionally filmed and edited, and made available to schools and universities around the world. Several companies are interested in creating a TV documentary at the conference, because of the availability of so many luminaries in one place.

The conference will cover Hubbard’s true biography, the beliefs and practices of Scientology, fair game and the intelligence agency (GO and OSA), the RPF, Narconon, finance and the IRS, the celebrity connection, Scientology under Miscavige, violence inside the cult and the exploitative techniques of hard-selling and auditing.

Other noteworthy participants have yet to confirm.

Tickets for the five day seminar and conference are priced at $120 per day or $500 for the five days. There will be concessions for those unable to afford this price. Please apply to the organizers at

AND IF YOU REGISTER EARLY it is $75 per Day and $350 for the week!

Hope to see you all there!!

Coming to YouTube Growing Up Scientology: From Cradle to Slave

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Well I am following up on all my postings here and getting serious. A couple of friends of mine and I are putting together a YouTube Channel called Growing Up Scientology: From Cradle to Slave. It is going to be a place where children who were born into Scientology, and worked for the church like I did. Some as young as 7. The more truth that gets out there about Scientology the better. Because there is an avalanche happening right now. A tidal wave of truth that is being put out by every media outlet, bloggers, twitter, just everywhere that has been created by the momentum of Going Clear. That movie just busted the doors open and is going to allow us to get all the stories out there. The children’s stories have not been told and this channel will give them an opportunity to be heard.

Please check out our trailer and toss some pennies in the pot if you can at our KICKSTARTER or at our INDIEGOGO campaign.

Also check out a little of the back story on how this got started over at TONY ORTEGA’S UNDERGROUND BUNKER.

#TODAY Show revealing that #Scientology’s Leader Spied on His Father Using Tax Free Funds

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This morning, the LA Times had a front page story about how Scientology’s Leader, David Miscavige, used tax free funds from the church to hire private investigators to follow his Father, Ron Miscavige Senior’s every move. Additionally NBC’s TODAY show did an excellent segment about this. I am sure revelation of this comes as a major blow to Ron. As a parent, there are certain lines that you never cross with family. That is out of bounds. Not in Scientology. In fact you are ENCOURAGED to not only go up against but to destroy your family if necessary.

When I was on the RPF, toiling away, it was determined that my mother was a gigantic suppressive force in my life. Mostly because she wouldn’t let me join the Sea Org when I was 12, she had the audacity to want me to get a proper education and have the opportunity to be a kid. Additionally she liked to help me. Like doing my laundry for me and taking me to movies when I could go and GOD FORBID buying me outlandish gifts like Levi jeans and tampons and shampoo. She was REALLY trying to be an “External Influence” (As Scientology calls it) you know because if in the outside world I could have as much tampons and Levi’s that I wanted it was too much sway. Because I should just be happy with the shitty clothes and no food or toiletries that I had. If I were really OT I would just make my periods not a problem and move on with my life.

I ended up writing a terrible Knowledge report on my mother. I was made to do it. I was filled with false memories and anger over imagined injustices and mostly I wanted the pain and mental anguish to stop. If writing this nasty piece of work about my mom was going to make that stop for a moment then I was crying uncle. I hoped she would never see it. I mean I was just a lowly RPFer and she was a very upstat staff member. Surely they would just shred it or something. Nope. Of course she was given it. You know what she said about it to me? Nothing. Not a damn word. Years later after I left and she took me into her home to help me become a person again, years after that when I helped her to leave the church, she finally told me that she had gotten that report. That it had torn her heart out. But despite that she still loved me. Nothing ever changed that for her. That is what it means to be a parent.

I wrote a stupid report. David had his father followed and when the person following his father thought he was having a heart attack he told the PI to let him die. I am not even sure if that qualifies David Miscavige as a human being.


Here’s the video from the Today Show

Here’s Tony ORtega’s blog with Jenna Miscavige Hill’s response to this development