I will be honest. The first time I saw Going Clear, at LACMA, with my mother and a room filled with strangers I was partially terrified. Maybe someone would try and bomb the building? Maybe someone would attack us? Would security from Celebrity Centre be there to get in my face? And when certain visuals happened on the big screen, like seeing the Big Blue building in Los Angeles, looking at that monstrosity larger than life again, panic swept over my body. I had the urge to leave my seat. Leave the entire building and run for my life. As a result of the panic attack I was having for pretty much the entire movie, I missed parts of it. Things would appear on the screen, the Sea Org Contract, and memories would flood back. And I would get lost in them.
Last night, in the comfort and safety of my own home I watched Going Clear for a second time. I watched again with my Mother, Kathy, my husband Cameron, who hadn’t seen it yet but who’s story is very similar to mine, and my mothers brother and his wife who were never in. I experienced the movie on a whole other level. The buildings were this time, not larger than life. They weren’t bigger than me. So there was no terror. I watched as my Uncle and Aunt gasped and shook their heads in horror at all of the revelations. They kept looking around the room at us like, “Holy hell, how did you live through this??” Looking at it through their eyes shows how truly terrible a group Scientology is. How terrifyingly wretched they have become and really have always been.
For those of you who have just come out, or were thinking about coming out of Scientology and you watched last night, and didn’t sleep well, and are still in shock this morning, I want to say to you; It is going to be alright.
Yes those things are true. Yes they are terrible. No you did not know they were happening. You couldn’t. We, members of the Sea Org, are ordered within an inch of our lives to smile and be happy AT ALL TIMES in front of the public. We are ORDERED to LIE to you. To TRICK you and MANIPULATE you into believing the fairy tale that Scientology is not only handling ALL OF THE EVIL of the entire world but that by merely donating money you have somehow stopped a billions of years old intergalactic evil empire and are making a difference in the entire universe. For that I am deeply and sincerely sorry.
The good news. You have now peeked behind the curtain. You know that this dog and pony show is a dog and pony short of a show. Now what? Well, have a good cry. Seriously. It is alright. Let it out. Smack a pillow around for a bit and let out the anger that you are feeling. Then when you have done that, take some deep breaths. Relax for a minute. You are alive. You are an able person. And now that you know the truth you can actually, for the first time, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Yes you. The person reading this letter. You right now. Learn more. Read everything you can on the subject. Talk to more people who have left. We all have stories.
Oh but maybe you disconnected from us? Maybe you deleted us on Facebook with a nasty note. Maybe you fired us from our jobs, or wouldn’t rent to us anymore. Reach out. Do the human thing and apologize. We will listen. We have (some of us) had time to heal and learn. Listen. Really listen to your own heart and mind for the first time and be a human being again. We are all human. We are not perfect. But we are here. We are ready to tell you our stories. We are ready to help you to tell yours and to get back your life.
And for those of you reading this that haven’t yet seen Going Clear, please do see it. If you know a Scientologist, be ready to help them. They need it.
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You really get it. I’m having to watch Going Clear again to get the things that my mind missed. I might have to watch it again. Its ok. I am healing. I can feel it, its real. Its been a long time & it rehashed some things in me too that I’d long ago tucked into a very dark hiding place. I admire your strength Nora. You set a great example ♡.
Thank you Carmen. It has been a long drawn out process to get here. I went through a LOT of anger. And sometimes it comes back to me, like a tidal wave and I hate it. I hate that, like the Hulk, I lose control of myself and get washed over with emotion. But healing is a gradual process. And now that I am approaching the other side of that, like I can see the beacon on the shore now, it feels much better.